What I've been doing so far.......hmm.... maybe nothing! Absolutely wasted. I've grown much love for myself, and have grown much unstoppable hate for myself as well.
I love myself for not holding back what I think lately, and purge every words I want out. I have nothing to hide right now. Take me as I am.
I hate myself for being so indecisive, for being so suspicious...and for being so egoistical. I don't wanna lose, I don't wanna give up. I won't depend on anybody and that just make people hate me more, because when I need help the most, that's when I feel like I am such a burden, and thus, just reject the help offered. I am this kind of person. I can't help feeling much like a trouble for everyone.
And people actually miss me. Wow. What the hell are they thinking? I have always thought that I am the most umimportant person in any functions... nobody remembers me when I die. I am fucking nobody. Who am I to you? I'm like your trash. At your disposal.
Am I going to be this way forever? Only time will tell. I'm so lonely. I have no one to talk to. Only this diary... this diary serves so much for me.. take in so many of my words without complaints.. wonder if anyone is as patient as this pal here.
You know what? I'm sick of this. I can't sleep well. I can't eat well. I can't shit well. I'm always constipated and that fucking ass doctor said I was sick in the head. FINE. I AM SICK IN THE HEAD, but can't he just tell me what's the remedy at least? Idiot doctor. May you burn in hell.
Damn. A guy keeps pestering me for nothing.. I have the feeling that he likes me.. it has been months. Oh gosh, he's so irritating. Keeps feeling jealous for nothing. Who is he to me anyway? AND I AM NOT EVEN HIS GIRL. I can't bear to block him though. As iritating as he is.. he is such a despo, I need to "entertain" him.
8:14 p.m. - 2004-06-01
Recent entries:
kristian - 2008-09-04
For those who are concerned. - 2006-12-14
mindless self indulgent rant - 2006-03-12
i could feel my bones. - 2006-02-28
2006 woot. - 2006-02-24
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