freakymandy's Diaryland Diary

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keep my mind off

Sayin' I love you
Is not the words
I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
not to say but if you only knew
How easy it would be
to show me how you feel
More than words
is all you have to do
to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say
that you love me
Cuz I already know

How sweet. I love this song so much. I think BBMak are nice singers, too bad they're just not promoting themselves enough.

Today I let myself go. I try to keep my mind off fiber and anything that used to be personal taboos. Like sugared water, because I drank cola today. Sugar. Not sugar-free. Meh, it's my FIRST real cola in such a long time. Perhaps more than two years. Yep. And I feel like my stomach is digesting food...which is always good. I hope to go and 'do' it tomorrow. If I am ever so lucky. I ate great today! 2 slices w/meal bread for breakfast. Lasagna and cola for lunch. 3 oat cakes (50 cals each)and a small piece of sushi for snack and brown rice with broccoli, baby carrots, sprouts and a peach, a date, and milk coffee for dinner.

Fuckity fuck. I doubt I would do well in my Chemistry. I did the exam today and it was not intimidating..I was just clueless about some questions. What the heck, the past can't be unchanged, so I shall stop bringing up the past. Somehow, my past has always made me feel so bitter and unhappy. The future seems so much brighter, I believe so. Tomorrow will be my Math and Literature exam! And I am unsure about some questions... I gotta stuff some more into my brain for about 2 hours now. I'll start in 9.30pm.

You know what? I feel like writing down my new year resolution. It doesn't matter if I don't even start on it.. it's the thoughts that count. Wow, how deep. Just kidding, when I say that.

1) No more diets (I know I can do this!)
2) Do NOT think of the past anymore (hard stuff, but doable)
3) Do NOT waste too much time (I'll try)
4) Save money, do not spend too much on doodle doo (This year I wasted about 60 bucks on stupid diet pills which doesn't work! Bad bad bad.)
5) Relax. Have more fun.
6) Sleep for 8 hours a day
7) Make a paper diary
8) Write a personal book
10) Make more friends.
11) Buy more clothes
12) Establish better relationships with everyone, esp. my family
13) Give beloved grandma money as much as I can afford to
14) Try to eat more organic foods and stay away from junk and artificial foods eg saccharin and aspartame.
15) Stay away from the sun and lighten up skin..

There. One wish for the new year would be to shit properly, and be "normal". *wishing*

Toodles xx.

9:11 p.m. - 2004-10-06

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