freakymandy's Diaryland Diary

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settling down

Today marked the third day of my plan. I planned to succeed three days ago, and all is well. I am free from my captives.

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I love so many people, things, animals, and all kinds of existence. I love girls, boys, men, women, old people, cats, dogs ... I'm sure as hell am straight, bisexual, lesbian, gay and open-minded. All of them. I don't want to choose. I am indecisive/decisive for the right reasons.

Year 2004 is the most challenging, stressing, rewarding and the most chaotic year of all 14.6 years I have had experienced. I have never failed as much as I did this year than any other years. I have never received as much love as I have had this year than in all 14 years accumulated. The enemy which I had spent one year collectively argueing with, turned out to be one of the most influential people in my life and became a part of me, which I would be reluctant to let go one day. Best friends will part one day but we're not just best friends. I feel like I have a part of her in me. I carry a piece of her with me in my heart. We can never part.

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I never liked being in my class. I am a traitor. But I am loyal to my feelings. Silent I am, sitting on my chair minding my own business. Tens of sheets of papers spread across the table and I stashed them down under my desk - good riddance.

"Aren't you going to file those? They won't get any thinner."

I know. The only way to go, is up. But I want them down, under my desk, away from my face.

12:04 a.m. - 2004-08-13

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