Hmm. Howwwwww shall I start this entry?
Apparently, today I am feeling so not myself because I have not gone to the toilet for two days, and it's killing my ass now! I keep on wishing that one day I'll be just like a normal teenager having fun, not worrying about her health... without even thinking of when will I ever go to the toilet... somehow everything seems wicked if I look at it at a negative light.
God, I don't even know why I am made this way; I was normal about a year ago!
OOOkay, so I went out alone ever since all my multi-faceted friends left me because they were scared of my spreading anorexia or bulimia to them (and I'm not any of them anymore at all.) So much for calling themselves friends. They can rot in hell because I want absolutely nothing from people like them.
Going out alone can be like a therapy. I saw great guys along the way, but it was kinda depressing to see them hanging around with their boyfriends and girlfriends, when I was all alone with nobody to care about what the fuck I'm doing with my life. I just feel a little neglected, though I believe I don't feel like I need anyone special anytime soon.
But I am only human; I desire someone to care about me.
But I think the 'someone' I'm looking for is not anywhere around in this world; the people in this world are too cruel to be true... I just don't believe in true love anymore.
Not when I'm always betrayed and cheated. I feel so foolish, very very foolish. If I could turn back time, maybe I would have better impressions on guys these days.
Tried very hard to accept people's mistakes and flaws, but many times they are only repeated.
Sigh. Impatient by nature, I shall not have anyone at all.
Let me be alone. Alone with all my I've had had enough of people, and I'vee had had enough of whining. I wish I can stop myself from whining, but most of the times, it just seems automatic.
4:40 p.m. - 2003-09-29
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