Good writing is always made during the worst time possible. The fucked-up times. However, sorry to say I'm not really going through the roughest time now, so my writing is self-confessed crappy and idiotic to me lately. Meh, as long as I'm happy, right?
Gee, I missed my sex dream. It was the best science-fiction dream I ever had... very Power Ranger-influenced. Kind of cute, really. I was wearing this Japanese manga-like skirt and elvis-ish shirt which bared my cleavage. Hahah. And the guy was wearing very sexy, especially the twinkle of his eyes..
Somehow, I feel like I have hopes for the future now. I used to think that the future will be bleak for me, because I am always feeling as bitter as ever... but since I'm 'okay' now, I feel like anything is possible and things cannot get any worst than before. It's been more than a month, I am bulimia-free and I am very proud about that. My swollen neck is gone and my face is getting back to normal.. no more sore muscles and better-looking knuckles and eating habits. Overall, I feel like I am being born again... there's this new sense of positivity in me that's eager to come out. It all seems too good to be true..and my relationships with friends and family are getting better too. I try to keep my temper down.
I do believe middle-child-syndrome exists. I am one of the stereotyped middle child; always questioning the authority, adventurous, risk-taker, rebellious and strike out as a unique person compared to my siblings and others. It's okay, I'm trying to change the "rebellious" side of me because my mom hates it when I go against her, but I feel the need to, especially when she's totally in the wrong...
I feel awful. I love my mom so much, but sometimes I just want to hurt her, for not knowing how much hurt she put me through, indirectly and emotionally, by calling me degrading names and making lies about me. Behind closed doors, she will always talk about me to my dad and my dad will scold me for trivial things. She could have done that herself, but I think she's scared to. She should know that she has the power over me, cuz she's the "mother"! I just hate it when people don't make use of their given authority. Stupid, aint it? I mean, ask me if you arent sure of anything, instead of jumping into conclusion and making things so difficult.
In the end, I would be reprimanded by Dad. That was so irritating.
Utopia = perfect world. P-O-Y has posted a title to write about.
In a perfect world, it will be like what it is now, minus poverty and better distribution of food. I hate it when I can't finish food up and think about the starving...always having guilt over wasting food. I hate the fact that there are people starving out there, and people in buffets eating their hearts out. Why can't we just have our food and eat it, all of us?
No racism. No wars. No jealousy. No branded goods. No money. No 'needs'. No 'have-tos'. It's just impossible. A world needs to be like this, or we're gonna be so so different from the state we're in right now.
Instead of dreaming of the perfect world, it's better to work on what we have now, a wrecking Earth with thinning ozone layer and increasing global warming, and fix it.
I just learnt that dreaming and making goals are of no use - unless you work on it. You have no idea how many diet plans I have.. it's all over my room, on the walls, in the bins, and so many wastage of papers, and nothing's been done until recently.
Stupid. Goals serves no purpose unless they are acted upon. Don't dream about a perfect world... it only makes you happy for a few minutes until you realise it can never be, and it's actually getting sicker by the minute.
The scientists are scared of lambs farting. Methane shit and all. Is this crazy? What about human? I think some lambs are sniggering right now. Like the pot calling the kettle black. Scientists are stupid.
For your info, I just said this because I'm feeling angsty due to my inability to absorb Chemistry stuff. And my finals are coming...
*Sigh* Perfect world.
6:39 p.m. - 2004-09-26
Recent entries:
kristian - 2008-09-04
For those who are concerned. - 2006-12-14
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i could feel my bones. - 2006-02-28
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