My birthday was days ago and it was one of my best birthdays ever! I am 16 already! whoo hoo. I am feeling more and more positive... not that anyone cares, but yeah, been feeling quite good. I purged twice this year.. in just a week, and it was looking bad.
I managed to control it and went on a running fest again. Right now, I run about an hour each day to relieve stress and it's been going on fine!
Farrah seems not happy with me,and I don't get it- she's always angry with me when I don't even do anything to her. I realise she likes to bully me- she already did so many times this year and I'm not gonna be victimised by her anymore - so I have not been talking to her for weeks, and it doesn't make me feel any sense of guilt since she's not worthy of being my friend at all.
She tells my other friends of my bulimia, which is OKAY to me, but she makes fun of it and encourages others to make stupid jokes out of my bulimia. what kind of a "sister" is that? Insensitive bitch - while I'm suffering, she makes fun of it and make my school life more miserable. That's it- I don't hang out with her anymore, and it's not my loss.
Why must she be angry with me when I do nothing to her? just because her stupid best friend fell for the same guy as I did, and he seems to be more interested in me than that girl, and she's always badmouthing me to him in a non-obvious way like saying, "Hey Dan, you know, Mands is always rebelling in school, she likes to wear clothes that are not like clothes, and she likes to flirt around... which is very cute!"
I was like, "Farrah, that aint nice." while that other bitch looked at Dan, thinking he would be like, "OMFGG!!! Mands so FUCKING BAD!!" for god's sake, fuck, I dont give a shit anymore. He ended up talking to me more and that other girl (okay, lets say her name is Melly) so Melly told Farrah and Farrah told me she said, "Farrah.. my blood is boiling..why must Dan talk to Mands more and he doesn't want to talk to me??"
Fuck it, if he doesnt like you ,then SHUT UP. Damn, I am so pissed. I am not gonna talk to Dan too. Stupid guy- he always holds party and doesn't wanna invite me by himself and always tells Farrah to tell that stupid bitch to tell me! OBVIOUSLY SHE DIDNT! so I ended up missing a lot.
Jealous girls suck. It's quite a shame to be a girl when the girls around you act like they can get what they want... in a bad way! I was INVITED to his fucking party and that Mell didnt tell me about it.
And she BRAGGED about the party to me. "Oops Mands, I forgotten to tell you about it! Tee hee, it was fun! we were dancing and all that!!"
---
Thank goodness I have Alicia and she is my one true friend and I have my other friends to fall back to. Farrah... about 9 years of friendship gone to waste. Why must she reveals all my shortcomings? When I DONT about her. Bitch.
--
Okay. End rant.. I love 2005, because I feel much stronger than I was years back. If I can run for an hour a day with no complaints, I can get through this shit in just days to come.
Sweet 16.. I love being 16.
12:59 p.m. - 2005-02-06
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