Peer pressure.
I hate it. I am not very affected by that, but I'd be lying if I am NOT affected at all. I am just not very.
-------------------
I can't stand it when my rich friends flash their money like nothing. I mean, of course they can't help it.. but it's good if they don't show off! A little humility can go a long way. It just sucks looking at them from far, grabbing those expensive clothes off their hangers and stash them in the counter table.
A little jealousy perhaps. It makes sense since their parents have some connection with MTV and that organization makes tons of money. So they get to meet all those rising stars...that might fade..
Or maybe not, but they are kind of lucky eh?
-----------
I still haven't figure how I can feel lonely with my wide circle of friends. They just seem.. like their not my friends, you know. We don't hang out - because of different reasons..things like interests, free time slot, and etc. Maybe they're not my friends.. perhaps, aquantaince or how you spell that. I can't see myself being their friends in about twenty years. Only a bunch, not all. Even then I am still insecure.
Girls are insecure bitches. I have heard so many fat talks, but none from me, but obviously tons in this site. I just don't like to affect others.. I mean, fat talking will make other feel bad about themselves, and I don't like that. Girls should make themselves feel better.. I have seen many of my friends who used to be positive changing to the negative because they hang out with the wrong kind of people. Not exactly wrong, if they think telling each other, "No, you're not fat..I am fatter!" makes them feel much secure about themselves.
Weirdly, I don't feel the need to diet at all now. I just exercise about 4 times weekly for two hours each time and that makes me feel good enough.. even though I don't lose weight, I do lose inches and gain self esteem and I think that is important. Maybe I'm not meant to be one of those cookie cutter slim ones, but I'm happy that I can run and do loads of sit ups. Perhaps I am used to eating well now, that I don't need to think about it. I feel good. Only a little emptiness now. You see, I was so dedicated to dieting and all.. that took a lot of my time. Now, I have more time and choose to spend it by working out, but I can't simply do that all the time, so I go out more often..
Going out.. I can't explain why I love to go out with a small group of people. Preferably not more than 4 or 5 at most. Something about being in a big group makes me uncomfortable. People may look at me like a girl who needs to be protected, when I don't need protection. Besides, I love intimate personal relationships..with friends or anyone. It just feels more special. You can interact more and know each other easily..
-----------
I crashed into a dance club yesterday. Har har har. Ali asked me along with her and I just agreed, I knew I could. My mom would not care because I won't tell her the exact truth but I was not lying: "Mom, I'm out with a friend! Tata."
Yeah. The atmosphere...smoky, smoky..weird smell, crowded, fucked music, yeahhh - it was okay. Kinda fun.
5:43 a.m. - 2004-09-06
Recent entries:
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