My head hurts today. Dizzy spells and all. However I'm so glad I forced myself to go to school anyway.
----------
My father questioned my habit of eating raw food yesterday. I have not made it public, but here I am, trying to tell you that I have this weird habit of eating things straight of the freezer. You know, things that are meant to be thawed first.. like bread or dough or chicken fingers.. I fucking eat them raw.
I am very, very, very impatient, and I mean it. If I want something, I can probably wait for it..but recently I just can't. I'm a spoilt brat in a way that I am not willing to wait and always want things my way. I don't care about how horrible the taste of the food is, or how unacceptable and illogical it is to the others. My appetite is different. My mom used to joke about me not able to control myself I have a boyfriend, and would force him into commitment. I don't think so - I, myself, is afraid of committment.
So yeah, he was all concerned, because my health is not going on well this year. He didn't want me to suffer some crap diseases and suspected that my fucked up eating habit had something to do with it. I denied, profusely, of course.
"Why did you eat those food raw? I mean.. how can you eat those spaghetti sticks like that? And the chicken.. the meat..since when did you?""Only recently. Nothing's wrong, they taste as good as cooked food."
"No, I mean, things are meant to be cooked and you got to do just that. Your body is not used to raw food."
"Then the body very well get used to it. I'm not going to stop. I'm fine, and I'm sick not because of that."
(a confused expression)"Okay..but remember to take care of yourself."
"Okay."
I can't have explanations for every single thing I do. I have this habit of picking out the chocolate rice on donuts. I love to eat the brown part of the bread and leave the white alone. I love leftovers - somehow they look more attractive.
I can't explain it to even myself. It's like pica, in a more acceptable way. If I want something, I better have it. Or I'll keep thinking about it. Yesterday I had this insatiable want to drink skim milk and I finished one whole liter of it. Plums too. Had about 4 of them.
A big change is occuring to my body now..my breasts are growing to a b cup and I'm getting scared of it. I used to be able to look down and see my whole body and legs and now they're somehow blocked by my chest. Worst, all my bras are A cups and I feel so fucking stuffed.
I thought puberty stopped at the age of 14, to me. I'm now going to be sixteen soon, and gosh, fuck, I am still growing?? I am kind of surprised. If only I can grow vertically, instead of horizontally. That, if I have things my way, but I can't fight mother nature. <--She's a bitch.
I can't stand buses which are full of teenagers. I am a teenager myself and I'm hating the typical people of my age. They make so much noise. Okay, okay, alright, I'm being fussy again am I not?? Tell me, you will know it's me because of my distinct fussy character, but GOD, THE NOISE was KILLING MY BRAIN!!!! Couldn't they observe some basic courtesy? I would fucking die if I stayed on the bus for longer than the expected hour. Worst, I was sitting behind this group of bitch assholes who were trying to be Australian Idols and singing Alicia Key's If I Ain't Got You and I was suffering shit. WORST, they had body odor.
What's the use of deodorant, girls, if you don't use it and roll that shit on your armpits and whatelse?! Farrah was like stuffing her face into her book to endure the BO and I turned to lie on Farrah's shoulders just to be away from the nauseating smell. Farrah's hair saved me from being choked with human perfume.
I'm pissed.
Now I'm back home, I am much more thankful. Home sweet home.
3:40 p.m. - 2004-09-03
Recent entries:
kristian - 2008-09-04
For those who are concerned. - 2006-12-14
mindless self indulgent rant - 2006-03-12
i could feel my bones. - 2006-02-28
2006 woot. - 2006-02-24
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
gavin-joel
anorexicpoet
wolfstone
bender87
squishyvan
someday-
nateboxley
randomsnark
patient-
prettysprite
zigglett
brokenwords
hilaryjordan
morning-view
andlikedude
ladyofthefae
shaggybill
unclebob
oceans-depth
silverbiker
j-pizz
dani-lou
chicagojo
brian-writer
elixia
gingeryette
radiogurl
torato
beety-queen
sir-liver
bleedinbitch
karabats
jesbohn
wildcrazy13
rosytears
soft-parades
infinidox
braw
lightfallsup
therules
what-if-
mixtape-
aquietboy
girldivided
ablossomfell
chsturtle
that
tealeaves
science-girl
ditchwater
firewaterice
clarity25
soul-glimpse
endiary
p-o-y
idealistic
stillbeating
theghostgirl
almostalone
her-story
marn
lovemetwice
inaptbeauty
softplaces
love-metal
dark-doll
lovelybones
bloodstream
kex
alwaysinhim
jackthripper