To feel nothing, is the best feeling in the world. Yes, you don't feel happy, but you don't have the risk of being sad or depressed either.
I feel nothing today. If horoscopes and all those crap readings are true, then I am supposedly to be an insensitive person, which I think I am not. Okay, maybe I can be insensitive, but in a honest and blunt way. Like if you want me to comment on something... then I will like, give you all the hard facts, and you will hate me.
Isn't it better for you to act nice and get people to like you? It is better, but it's not me. I'm quite hated by the blood suckers in school, so I know how hard it is to be yourself. Most of my friends have to struggle to keep being sweet and nice to maintain [fake] friendships. They have to really lie about things and I don't like that. So each time when I ask them about something, I have to like, add in the words "In your MOST HONEST state of mind".
It's tough when girls are insecure and we just cannot bear to be hated. Well, most of the time I keep my mouth shut, but I show my feelings through my actions. Like, not smiling much when I smile 24/7, banging the door, not giving them the 'I-am-listening' face. It just sucks when people outcast you and push you around, then expect you to look happy being pushed around and treated like a dog.
I try to keep numb and pretend they're assholes...and it's working. There's no point letting them ruin my day. Oh yes, you know where all my emotions and feelings go if not from my mouth and my facial expressions?
They would go here. This diary is my open heart. Not everyone will love it, but at least it's open for everyone to see. And mostly, it's all about me. You say I'm selfish and absurd, but I know I am being myself, and I treat everyone right.
I don't hurt others unnecessarily; you know that. Even when others hurt me, I just bite my tongue and move on. I don't want to pick up fights or make small arguments turn into an issue.
And lastly, the girls in school today were weird. They were going around touching people's butt and I got touched too. So it was the Touch-Your-Bum Day in school, so I went around touching as well. And when I touched a girl's bum, she would go around touching others. It's like a chain reaction. It's pointless, but definitely a thing to write about here.
Nad, Farrah's good friend, won the prize for having the biggest, firmest butt in school. She was at a disbelief, so she called up her mom to school and told her to touch hers. In front of others. And her mom also said hers was BIG and firm.
Oh my goodness. And guess what? Nad cried there. I want to stop using this internet slang, but...
*LMAO* *LOL*
11:56 p.m. - 2004-07-12
Recent entries:
kristian - 2008-09-04
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