I am someone who is observant, impatient, weird, self-reliant, single, sensitive, introverted, and not afraid to speak about my innermost feelings. I am not selfish, but I am VERY possessive of my diary because it's like my virtual brain of thoughts so I tend to talk and talk and talk and people take it the wrong way and label me as selfish and self-obsessed. Fair enough. I love to talk, but I am shy and quiet around people I'm not close with. I like to share opinions. I am philosophical. I like to celebrate little things and I treasure little 'good' things like people saying or sending a Hi message to me. I love being around people who are not judgemental and bitchy. I don't giggle; I laugh. I blush very easily. I am what my friends call 'weird' and I can accept it as a form of compliment - it means that I am a copyright.
On people and boys.
I tend to look at good things in people rather than their looks. But for first impression, of course, like any other teenager girls, I'll go for looks. The kind of guys I like is the ones with a nice smile and laughing lines and an average built. The kind who doesn't base a relationship on sex. The adventurous kind. I don't go for super-good looking ones, but I will tend to like those who look presentable. My kind of guy will be the one that can make me laugh, genuine, and treat me like I can stand on my own feet. Of course, he does not have to pay for my meals or give me expensive gifts. But he has to give me love.
On friends and girls.
Friends. I think that word means people that I can trust and believe in. The ones that I can shpw my care and concern for them. The ones who are honest to me and I can be honest with them. I used to be very gullible in making choices... but now I know I have three people who I can consider my REAL friends: Farrah, Alex, and Sam. Sam's Farrah's current boyfriend.
On family.
I think my family plays an important part of my growing up phase. We are just like friends, so I don't feel awkward hanging out with my mom or dad. As long as they don't try to sing songs in the public and call out my name loudly.. I'm pretty fine. Urgh. But I know I love them, and they do love me alot. And that's all matters, but I wish they give me the freedom to work. My family is kind of segregated. We don't talk much, and we don't eat together. We just seem to lead our own individual lives. I don't like the fact that my family doesn't give the impression of an "ideal" one because it makes me feel inadequate. About problems I face, I tend to keep them within myself and solve them myself and confiding with my REAL friends, but I don't mind telling my parents about my eating problems but I fear I might be a burden to them, so I prefer keeping it from my parents.
On food and health.
I am a food-conscious person, but I like fried chicken & crackers. I don't refrain myself from eating anything that I enjoy eating.I believe I eat to live and not live to eat. I think the reason why I have an eating disorder is because of the lack of belief in myself that I would stop when I have had enough.
My shortcomings.
I am a messy and disorganized person; I don't know how to appreciate classical music and loud music, I don't like sweeping and mopping the floor, I wear wrong size bras, I don't like wearing lingeries and would choose boxers anytime, hates lacy stuff, my body cannot coordinate well, I am not good with tumblings and gymnastics, I am impatient, I dislike kids but I would like to have one of my own, I get aroused quite easily.I have a lot of imperfections.
Right now, I want to be ignorant and pretend that I am not all these. BUT I AM AWARE that I am all these and it's okay.
10:07 p.m. - 2003-04-26
Recent entries:
kristian - 2008-09-04
For those who are concerned. - 2006-12-14
mindless self indulgent rant - 2006-03-12
i could feel my bones. - 2006-02-28
2006 woot. - 2006-02-24
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