freakymandy's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- what is this. how much sacrifices must i make. Today was a good example of an okay day. At least by 2pm. Most things get screwed after 6pm. 4 more hours to go. Clocks ticking. I'm feeling scared. She's coming to haunt me again and as much I want to run away, I can't and she forces me to give in to her. Is this what a rape survivor experienced before? This might be a gentler example of self raping self. The fear and paranoia chasing after self. Everything is within my body and soul and they cannot escape from them... because they are some of the parts that make the whole being complete. What is being complete? Even with a heart, soul, mind and spirit, I still am not. How do I know that? Through the sense of feeling? There's a gaping hole in the middle of my body..somewhere in the heart but probably not there, empty. Something must fill it up, and unfortunately, like what we assume it is, emotional hunger and physical hunger are often confused. Both are different but they generate the same kind of feeling, don't they? I dont know if Im hungry now but its the same. Even if I'm all filled up with dozens of junkfood, I am still going to feel this way. whats this. how can i just solve this. its really sapping my energy. im listless... thinking about it. 2:07 p.m. - 2004-08-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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