Today was a good example of an okay day. At least by 2pm. Most things get screwed after 6pm. 4 more hours to go. Clocks ticking. I'm feeling scared. She's coming to haunt me again and as much I want to run away, I can't and she forces me to give in to her.
Is this what a rape survivor experienced before?
This might be a gentler example of self raping self. The fear and paranoia chasing after self. Everything is within my body and soul and they cannot escape from them... because they are some of the parts that make the whole being complete.
What is being complete? Even with a heart, soul, mind and spirit, I still am not. How do I know that? Through the sense of feeling? There's a gaping hole in the middle of my body..somewhere in the heart but probably not there, empty. Something must fill it up, and unfortunately, like what we assume it is, emotional hunger and physical hunger are often confused. Both are different but they generate the same kind of feeling, don't they?
I dont know if Im hungry now but its the same. Even if I'm all filled up with dozens of junkfood, I am still going to feel this way. whats this. how can i just solve this. its really sapping my energy. im listless... thinking about it.
2:07 p.m. - 2004-08-26
Recent entries:
kristian - 2008-09-04
For those who are concerned. - 2006-12-14
mindless self indulgent rant - 2006-03-12
i could feel my bones. - 2006-02-28
2006 woot. - 2006-02-24
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
gavin-joel
anorexicpoet
wolfstone
bender87
squishyvan
someday-
nateboxley
randomsnark
patient-
prettysprite
zigglett
brokenwords
hilaryjordan
morning-view
andlikedude
ladyofthefae
shaggybill
unclebob
oceans-depth
silverbiker
j-pizz
dani-lou
chicagojo
brian-writer
elixia
gingeryette
radiogurl
torato
beety-queen
sir-liver
bleedinbitch
karabats
jesbohn
wildcrazy13
rosytears
soft-parades
infinidox
braw
lightfallsup
therules
what-if-
mixtape-
aquietboy
girldivided
ablossomfell
chsturtle
that
tealeaves
science-girl
ditchwater
firewaterice
clarity25
soul-glimpse
endiary
p-o-y
idealistic
stillbeating
theghostgirl
almostalone
her-story
marn
lovemetwice
inaptbeauty
softplaces
love-metal
dark-doll
lovelybones
bloodstream
kex
alwaysinhim
jackthripper