I would always love to think that I am actually a normal person. Who binges and purges out occasionally. However it does not work that way --- I am bulimic, clinically, but why think that way when I believe that I am normal? I don't feel like I'm lying myself. There's many out there who just give up. I'm trying my hardest to forget about my disorderness, and carry on normally... but I have relapses, and it just ruins everything.
I'm frustrated. I've been trying so hard and yet you don't seem to know about it. All my efforts.. gone.
It's July now, approaching August, and I'm still in the same state, it's shameful. Even after months of trying to recover, I just fail to do so. I don't want to know that I am bulimic, because that makes me feel inferior.. I'm trying to be normal, but I just can't, because I'm clearly not. Basically I'm just lying to myself, and I actually believe it all.
I'm denying everything. What's the point.
---------------------
I overslept today. Didn't go to school. I am prepared to get 0 marks for my Math test if I don't produce a medical certificate. Why did I even lock the door the previous night when I know my ears don't function.
I'm stupid, I'm dumb, I'm worthless and I'm not worthy of anything. Even when I try to be good, I just can't. Something is just against me all the time.... and my first guess would be me.
11:54 a.m. - 2004-07-19
Recent entries:
kristian - 2008-09-04
For those who are concerned. - 2006-12-14
mindless self indulgent rant - 2006-03-12
i could feel my bones. - 2006-02-28
2006 woot. - 2006-02-24
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
gavin-joel
anorexicpoet
wolfstone
bender87
squishyvan
someday-
nateboxley
randomsnark
patient-
prettysprite
zigglett
brokenwords
hilaryjordan
morning-view
andlikedude
ladyofthefae
shaggybill
unclebob
oceans-depth
silverbiker
j-pizz
dani-lou
chicagojo
brian-writer
elixia
gingeryette
radiogurl
torato
beety-queen
sir-liver
bleedinbitch
karabats
jesbohn
wildcrazy13
rosytears
soft-parades
infinidox
braw
lightfallsup
therules
what-if-
mixtape-
aquietboy
girldivided
ablossomfell
chsturtle
that
tealeaves
science-girl
ditchwater
firewaterice
clarity25
soul-glimpse
endiary
p-o-y
idealistic
stillbeating
theghostgirl
almostalone
her-story
marn
lovemetwice
inaptbeauty
softplaces
love-metal
dark-doll
lovelybones
bloodstream
kex
alwaysinhim
jackthripper