I hope no one has yet changed their perception of me yet. I purged my food out yesterday. Fucking junk food swelled in my stomach, and I could not bear to look at my bloated tums, so I purged it all out. A purge, in a way, helped me feel so relieved and clean.
Don't want to be classified as bulimic or anorexic. I really, really am normal. So normal, I don't need to check my weight anything regular than once a month. So myself, that I don't need to look into the mirror, just to confirm that I look okay, and fine. But eating a lot of junk food, is just not me, and maybe I ate it all up yesterday, because I felt superficially stupid.
Weirdly, I had a good time yesterday, with one of my girlfriends, hanging out, and flirting with a lot of guys. And one of the counted 12 guys who stared at us, was really following us, and we were so scared out of our wits, that we sought refuge in a convenience shop, until he decided to leave us alone. He was like staring at us, while we were in the shop too, and it was freaky.
Probably I was eating pretty badly nowadays. But I lost weight too. I did not know how much exactly, but I was really getting small. My waistline... getting smaller, and my collar bones... now very distinctly displayed. Never was I able to feel my hipbones jutting out, and now they do. I love it, although I feel stressed sometimes, so I tend to eat a lot, just to make myself believe that I am NOT getting any smaller because I eat like a normal person. 3 main meals, and 2 snack times. No restriction, no nothing. Only yesterday when I had a minor break down and started to purge my food out, then went to sleep at 9pm. Never did I turn in that early. Yesterday was just so weird.
I need my gym fix. It's been two days since I last stepped into the gym, and I feel so deprived. Today, probably I'm going at 2pm. I need the healthy mindset to stop myself from being eating disordered again. I want to be normal, and I know I am kind of, now.
Everyday, but yesterday, I am normal. So normal, I want to go and eat and shit now. 12 guys flirted with me and my girfriend yesterday. More than our target range, which is 8 to 10. We were like planning to make heads turn to us, because we just wanted to know if we had the ability to.
Looks like we do! And I'm loving it! Maybe next Saturday, I'm going to ask her out, and we'll just do some flirtings, and go home tired, and I'll get my hard-to-get beauty sleep.
I am such a flirt since 2004. And I LOVE IT. It makes me feel both attractive and confident of myself. I love, love, love, love boys. And my girls. Heh heh.
10:45 a.m. - 2004-01-18
Recent entries:
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