I am so going to kill my younger brother now. Let�s just call him Sean. I am just fucking waiting for him to come home and we�ll �talk�. you know it�s not a good thing if I say I want to talk to him or anything. My mom got called out by the school principal and guess what? We had to go to school to meet his teacher because of his school results. I swear, by that time, I was half-dead already. My heart was aching to take a knife and slice up his throat. I never saw him with any books at all, and at any given hour, you would find him laughing merrily, playing computer games. He was so into games, that he would rather starve to death than to part with his bastard games.
So as I was saying, both me and my mom immediately got ready to go to school. I was still like sleeping deeply, like some sort of Cinderella or something when my mom came a knocking on my door, urging me to get up and accompany her to school.
�Fuck. What time is it now?!� I grumbled, scrambling for my trusted alarm clock and forced open my eyelids to look at the time. �Damn, it�s just a 9.30. Freaking shit. I still want to sleep!�
Nevertheless, I got up reluctantly and brushed my teeth, washed my face. There was not any time for me to shower or powder myself. Much less apply some make up. My mom was already waiting at the front door for me to get ready in my room. �Freaking shit. What�s about Sean again?!� I moaned, as I opened my door and hobbled to my mom. My legs were making troubles for me since last night and they were KILLING me.
�Mandy, you know what time is it now? We are expected to meet his teacher� well, I don�t know what�s her name. What�s his class anyway?!� complained my mom wildly, at innocent me.
I swear, I did not know what she wanted out of me. She might have forgotten that the reason why we were in this situation, was Sean, and not me. This is bullshit. Which parents do not know their child�s teacher and class?! This is just plain ignorant. This is what you call parents who don�t give a shit about their child�s education progress.
�Mom, you�ve got problems! Sean is in 3G and his teacher is Ms Undisclosed!� I cried, giving her a hard cold stare.
By then, I was so irritated already by then. Wished I could swear at her or just anybody at all or give her the finger, but hey, I was still trying to control myself though. My fingers were clenching with anger and my heart was pounding so wildly, I would have ground a piece of meat into some tiny granules. �Fuck you Sean. Fuck you. You son of a cow!� I was swearing like crazy deep down, and I knew I was about to break down. My tears were just waiting for the �right� time to pour out. Pour out all my emotions, all my anger, fuck, I could pour out my blood if I really wanted to.
After bickering over some nothings, we went out of the house. Door banged and locks locked. Silence between both of us. Anger and frustration, with curiosity about what Ms. Blah wanted from us. Befuddled as to about why we had to always see his teacher. Sean was such a pleasant boy at home, maybe a little too playful. Whatever. He was not a naughty boy. For some stupid reason, I just hated him. I am a book person, and he�s a game person. Our personalities are like so poles apart. I hated that my parents did not care about how badly or excellent we did for our studies. I hated that Sean did not give a fucking damn about his future. If he keeps up with this unacceptable attitude, he may have to work as a freaking construction worker in the future. Millions of thoughts constantly flashed through my mind and I became mute. Dumb. My mom asked me about him failing. I was like, �Fuck it. I don�t know! Who�s the mother? Me or you?!�
20 minutes passed and the bus was nowhere in sight. A taxi drove by and we took it anyway. In less than 3 minutes, we reached the school and I was so anxious. Embarrassment and shame displayed clearly on my face as I walked pass several faces that I once knew. My teachers. Hell. I was the straight A student, the top 5% of the cohort, best in languages. �How could she fucking have a dumb ass for a younger brother?� Probably that was playing in those freaking teachers� minds too, as well as mine did.
Went to the general office. Tears poured out from my eyes. I shivered. My mom, all calmed and collected. Her face which was once so proud of her daughter�s achievement, her eyes which used to brighten up watching her only daughter got up the stage to receive several honourable certificates� no more. My mom�s face turned red, probably with embarrassment. Her eyes� I could see that she was not too happy.
Ms Blah got into the office. Gave us an option slip if we wanted Sean to advance or stay put. Stay back. Fuck. Tears flowed more intensely as I cried out, �Damn, I don�t want him to repeat. Just let him advance! Damn it!� My hands were shaking, and my body was blanketed with chill. I feared that Sean would continue to perform badly in his exams� and what the hell would he be able to do if his future was like� fucking gone?! My mom looked crossed. She demanded Sean to come down and see her as well. For a good fucking moment, I was feeling a little bit happy. Dangerously happy. I was waiting to strangle the shit out of my own brother.
Sean knocked the door and there we were looking at a failure who tried to got away from all these by not showing us his report card. What a freaking shit. I shot him a dangerous look. If looks can kill, then I might have killed him a hundred times. He looked down on the floor. My mom told him that she was fucking disappointed in him. He swallowed his saliva. In fear? No. he was just acting like normal. His normal dumb self every time he gets into some deep shit. I cried. Even louder. The situation was getting more and more tensed up. A drama had begun. I was the drama.
Fuck, people might have thought I was the mother instead of my mom. The emotional one was me, when my mom acted like she did not give a frigging care about what her son would face if he were to repeat his studies. Ms. Blah looked at all of us. I stared at her. Tears still flowed. Minutes passed. Silence. Papers held tight. Papers that needed to be signed and given in. Papers that would determine whether or not Sean got a chance to make up for it. He fucking failed ALL his subjects. Ironically, he was not the lowest in class. He was the 26th out of 36 pupils. Fucking hilarious. No, I did not laugh. I was amused wildly. What were the dumb 10 people doing? Sleeping in class? Having sex or what?!
After much negotiation, my mom decided that she would hand in the form tomorrow with my father. I cried. My mom looked awful. She looked at me and gave me some indirect warning that she wanted me to end all my crying now. I bit my lips. She thought I was enjoying a free flow of water streaming down my face, but really I was not. Never been in this hurtful and disappointing situation at all. Today marked the worst day of my life. I was at the lowest of my lows and nothing could make me feel better at all. Nothing.
Damn. I had been crying for a good 2 hours until I realised its insignificance. �Crying won�t work any single damn, bitch,� I persuaded myself. I relented. I was actually so tired of crying already.
Right now, I have decided that I would pack my knapsack and head straight to the gym. Later. After I went to the library. Sean�s gonna be dead. Later. I�ll do all of them in the 11th hour. I�m kind enough to give him some fucking hours to decide what he wants out of his life before I end it.
11:57 a.m. - 2003-11-17
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